DARVO: role reversal
A strategy common to all abusers is called DARVO.
Deny the abuse, Attack the victim, and Reverse the roles of the Victim and the Offender.
This is roughly how it can be done:
You are stupid. |
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Are you accusing me of being stupid!? |
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You are accusing me of making accusations! |
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…but what you said was rude and untrue. |
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More accusations! And you are calling me a rude liar!
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Why did you call me ‘stupid’? |
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You are harassing me. |
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I want an explanation. Was it something
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I told you to leave me alone! Stop harassing me! |
At this point, the aggressor, the one who actually made assaults, may threaten his victim into submission or use the ‘silent treatment’ (also called ‘stonewalling’) until the victim gives up trying to hold the abuser accountable. He will characterize his victim as the offender and himself as the victim as he complains about the “harassment” he is being subjected to—without telling the whole story, of course. He may tell other people that the victim is menacing, irrational, or mentally unstable to start rumors that align with his self serving version of the issue, strengthening his credibility while damaging his victim’s. He may use deceptive tactics, such as pretending to be hurt or worried and fabricate damaging disinformation to manipulate other people to side with him and maximize the harm to his victim. If successful, the callous abuser gains sympathy and support while his victim, who has done no wrong, is disgraced and may face social rejection. The abuser escapes accountability and, lacking empathy and remorse, is gratified by “successfully” overpowering another individual. His victim gets blamed and shamed and may suffer immensely from long lasting—or irreversible—damage to his reputation, self esteem, and relations.
Do you recognize this scenario? Please click on ‘Leave a comment’ above, and share your story!
Related articles
- DARVO (changingminds.org)
- Stonewalling or The Silent Treatment (SalemWitchHunt.wordpress.com)
- The Smear Campaign—Hallmark of the Sociopath (SalemWitchHunt.wordpress.com)
- Slander Tactics (SalemWitchHunt.wordpress.com)
- The 5 Senses of Abuse (larkkirkwood.wordpress.com)
- Narcissistic Personality Disorder (psychopathresistance.wordpress.com)
- Being Manipulated By A Pro … The Narcissist (nakiafleming.wordpress.com)
This is so great, right on…
birthsibling that was placed into adoption has been harassing us for decades, wrote a libelous book which we were able to get pulled, we have two blogs detailing all the sorted crap this ‘adoptee’ has done and is still doing to us…we will not be silent, I have just ‘followed’ this blog and ask for others to come and take a look, thanks for such a great summary of how they work on you.
There is so much deception, lying, and cheating going on all around us. People who play the blame game can be very skilled. Knowing the acronym DARVO is helpful in both recognizing and addressing this sneaky and disgusting practice.
These tactics were some of the most frustrating and confusing. They do love playing the role of victim.
Isn’t it good to have a name for this nasty business?
Sure does make it easier.