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The toaster analogy

October 10, 2012 Leave a comment Go to comments

victim blaming

Suppose your toaster suddenly told you that you were uncaring, evil, insane. Would you respond to the toaster? Of course not. You would probably consider unplugging it and getting rid of it. Your abuser is that toaster.


  1. Abbri
    October 11, 2012 at 07:15

    That’s a really nice toaster!

    The problem with this analogy is that the toaster isn’t the best in bed I’ve ever had or the most fun guy to be with (when he wasn’t cheating, lying, gaslighting, backstabbing, insulting me, etc.).


  2. Disillusioned
    October 11, 2012 at 16:13

    OK. A toaster can’t do all those things. But you must admit; it excels at making toast.


  3. gertmcqueen
    October 15, 2012 at 09:55

    how about…thinking of it as ‘benign indifference’ , a sort of who cares.


    • Abbri
      October 15, 2012 at 10:40


      That’s what I’m striving for in my healing from ex-P, indifference; haven’t gotten there yet, but am hopeful!


      • gertmcqueen
        October 15, 2012 at 11:32

        it takes awhile! I started thinking that way about co-workers who were in the ‘extreme’…when able to think in terms of benign indifference it removes that feeling of ‘it being personal’. When it IS PERSONAL it takes quite a bit more…keep striving! and growing!


  4. Disillusioned
    October 15, 2012 at 10:58


    Console yourself with having unplugged the defective item, at least.


  5. Abbri
    October 15, 2012 at 11:13

    ha ha true! And that was the hardest part!


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